First off, let me confess. I eat meat. I eat dark meat, light meat. I eat fish and eggs. I am not a vegetarian. I do not understand vegetarianism (and I am amazed I managed to spell it). I intend to criticize vegetarianism in this article - and therefore criticize vegetarians but I admit that I come from a position of ignorance. I simply cannot put myself in the their shoes. I don't understand what is wrong with killing animals and eating them. It's just that, when I hear them explain their position, I can't always find logic in their arguments.

Now, the reason that I can't find logic in vegetarian arguments is because there often is none. This is not meant to sound as insulting as it first appears. Is there logic to happiness? Or to love? Or to hate, for that matter? Put it this way: I can happily eat a chicken that has been slaughtered far away in a factory and come to my table via the grocery store. I never knew the chicken. We never got acquainted. On the other hand, if I had a dog - let's call him Bud - if I had a dog called Bud who was always by my side and always eager to see me, would I be happy to eat it? Well why not - it's meat isn't it? Is it not logical that I should eat the dog just as I would the chicken? That's the trouble of course. When love and affection come in one door, logic goes out the other.

So that is what I meant when I could find no logic in the vegetarian argument. It is not a logically based movement. It is an emotionally based movement. That is why it is easy to pick holes in it. Attempting to apply logic to a non-logical situation is fruitless; like comparing apples and pears (which, on reflection is far from fruitless).

No, it's much simpler and more direct than a logical stance. Vegetarians hold affection for their fellow creatures as I may hold affection for Bud, my dog. I may - perhaps selfishly - hold my affection for those close to me, while other have a capacity to feel for creatures that they have never seen.

So there you are. I have hopefully explained why I am not qualified to write this article. I just don't get it. I am not in love with every species around the world. They're all still food to me (except Bud, that is). Now hopefully I can go ahead and ignorantly take a pot shot or two, cocooned as I am in my blissful ignorance, and some might say, arrogance.

Firstly, if a very very hungry lion was locked in the same room as me, with no other food in sight, would he simply lick me and convert to vegetarianism there and then, unable to bear the thought of hurting a fellow creature? Or would he tear me apart? You see, vegetarianism is a one-way street. I know the vast majority of creatures don't see humans as natural prey, but they would eat us in desperation, wouldn't they? If they are prepared to eat us then why can't we eat them? Even Bud would take a bite out of me if he were desperate enough, wouldn't he? Would you Ben? (Ben looks up, panting, tail wagging ...."I wonder what he tastes like....").

Secondly, what size do you need to be to avoid being killed by a vegetarian? Do vegetarians simply not eat creatures they can see? What about insects? OK vegetarians may not eat them, but should we believe that there are not some vegetarians out there who have never swatted and killed a fly? Or used fly or mosquito spray? And how do vegetarians manage to avoid treading on ants or other insects as they are walking outside? And how do they manage not to kill germs? Ha! They must be eating all sorts of bacteria when they eat their fruit and vegetables and if they wash the fruit and vegetables are they not guilty of drowning innocent germs? Is there a kind of hierarchy amongst the animal kingdom, perhaps based on size, perhaps based on the cuddly factor? I don't know. All I do know is that animal rights do not apply to all creatures and, just as in many human communities, there is an underclass that nobody cares about - even the vegetarians.

Now, just to get back to ants. Herein lies the vegetarian's dilemma. Monday evening, just back from work and our strict vegetarian discovers that her (or his?) house has been invaded by ants. Ants are not lovable - even, perhaps to a vegetarian - but collectively they are very intelligent; and they don't mean to annoy us. They don't know that the house is our property. I dare say ants were around before our houses, so whose land is it anyway? So here is our vegetarian frantically trying to coax the ants with a trail of jam and sweet juice out to the back door. Of course, the ants have laid their own paths and increasing numbers are invading the house.

This is where emotion gives way to logic. Out comes the Ant Spray. Our strict vegetarian is ridding the house of ants and whilst simultaneously trying to adapt to a slightly altered brand of vegetarianism. "OK, I'll not kill any creatures - except ants....on Mondays"