When your friends try to fix you up with that wonderful man or woman who they think will be absolutely perfect for you, what is your response?

I can already hear all the moaning and groaning out there. Believe it or not, the vast majority of men and women, regardless of age, education, ethnicity, and socio-economic background, would rather sit home alone rather than be fixed-up by well-intentioned friends or co-workers.

Why is that, do you suppose?

In a mini-survey I took recently, most of the dozen or so respondents told me that fix-up dates were almost always a disaster. Men were too short, women werent attractive, they didnt have anything in common, there wasnt any chemistry, conversation was difficult, s/he was boring, and on and on.

When I probed further I also discovered that men and women, alike, had a sense of doom and failure before they ever went out on the fix-up date. It seems that there is a prevailing thought that being fixed-up is a last resort and something that one needs because one simply cant find anyone to go out with or date.

Id like to invite you all to consider an alternative mind-set about being fixed-up. Think of being fixed-up as a gift from someone who cares for you. It is a rich opportunity to meet someone who would likely not otherwise be in your circle of possibilities; an opportunity to become acquainted with someone completely different from that man or woman you would be attracted to and be interested in taking out.

And that is the problem, isnt it? You dont have any prior interest in, sense of, or attraction to a person you are fixed up with. In the absence of prior interest or attraction - physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual - you may feel awkward or uncomfortable, have trouble staying present, and conversation may seem strained or forced.

Remember that the dynamic between you and a person you have never met will be different than with a person you have met but do not know. Though it may feel like you know a virtual stranger with whom you have spent several minutes in an initial encounter, in fact, s/he is as much of a stranger as if you had never met.

Think of an initial encounter with someone with whom you have been fixed up as an adventure in living. Have fun asking interesting questions and offering interesting personal information. Make it a new habit to say yes to the kind overtures of friends who want you to meet someone they think will be just perfect for you!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005

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